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15 May 2008
 
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Money & Relationships

Money

The most common cause of disagreement between people in both new and established relationships is money and it can cause fundamental problems if not dealt with. People have different attitudes to handling money, often influenced by personal experiences and upbringing. Here are some of the most common signs that there may be trouble ahead:

  • Do you talk about money? The crux of money problems is often down to communication. You are unlikely to be able to deal with money problems unless you can both discuss your finances and your feelings about them.
  • Do you like to be in control? Money is very powerful and if you like to be the controlling personality in the relationship, it is easy to use money as a tool to gain and stay in control. This can be a real issue when one party earns much more than the other. Money issues frequently mask deeper underlying issues of control and power in a relationship.
  • Is there a difference in levels of responsibility in your relationship? If one of you is irresponsible by habit and the other is more sensible this may be reflected in your attitudes to finances.
  • Do you have the same financial priorities? If you don't have a spending or saving plan and have not agreed how much you can both spend after all the bills have been paid, this can create conflict.
  • Has your attitude towards money been coloured by your upbringing or a previous relationship? If your upbringing was burdened by financial worries you may be afraid to spend money now. If you had a previous partner who was very careless with money and caused financial problems, you may be over cautious.
  • Is the issue really financial? The issue may be more about unspoken aspirations for the future and the financial planning that goes with that.

The first step is identifying why there are money problems between the two of you and what is causing them. Try completing our Financial Compatibility Audit to see where the greatest problems lie.

The next step in working through money problems is to ensure that you and your partner discuss what is working and what needs resolving. One way to do this is to complete a Financial Agreement Plan.