Baby Problems

During pregnancy it is very easy for couples to focus on the pregnancy and the birth rather than what happens next. It is useful to spend some time discussing and agreeing strategies for child rearing before the baby is born - this will give you a chance to iron out any differences of opinion before you are faced with making decisions whilst under stress.

Try to spend some time talking to other couples with children and ask them what strategies worked for them. There is no point re-inventing the wheel - millions of people have had babies before you and there is a lot of useful advice out there.

A significant number of relationships breakdown in the first few months after the birth of a baby and the main causes tend to be:

Disagreement and rows about child rearing including:

  • How to get your baby to sleep
  • How to get your baby to eat
  • How to get your baby to stop crying
  • Being brave enough to leave your baby with a baby sitter
  • Sharing out the dirty chores such as nappy changing and cleaning up sick

 

Change of lifestyle including:

  • Loss of independence
  • Pressure on finances
  • Impact on sex life
  • Jealousy - the three sided relationship

If you find you are constantly arguing and want more hints on combating those flash points here are our top tips for avoiding baby conflict:

  1. If your baby is fed, snuggled, warm and clean and is due for a sleep but keeps crying then be brave. Leave them for a few minutes to cry themselves to sleep in their cot. Babies cry when they are tired, if you keep picking them up and rocking them about it can over-stimulate and make them even more tired and cantankerous.
  2. Some people drive their children around in the car to fall asleep. This can set a pattern you can't get out of. Do you really want to do this every night? What effect will this have on your relationship?
  3. Babies cry from hunger, fear, discomfort and tiredness but can't tell you which it is. Work through the options patiently and calmly. Do not rush around or panic. Try to develop a special hum that you use for calming, both partners can use the same hum; you can have great fun together designing your calming hum.
  4. New parents and especially mothers imagine that their baby will somehow be neglected if you go out for the night leaving the baby in the care of a trusted family member or babysitter. Babies do not remember anything until after they are three years old. They will not turn round one day and say they remember you went to the cinema with dad when they were 6 months old. As long as the baby is loved it will not be harmed and will probably benefit from having parents with a happy and healthy relationship.
  5. Agree a fair distribution of chores - don't expect either party to be reasonable about it when they have a screaming baby and 2 hours sleep.